


Diary of a Raider

by Zoop (zoop526)



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: BDSM, Diary/Journal, Drama, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, F/M, Murder, Pedophilia, Profanity, Rape/Non-con Elements, Statutory Rape, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoop526/pseuds/Zoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>NaNoWriMo 2015 Side Project: While researching the possible whereabouts of a G.E.C.K. in the Citadel archives, you discover a restricted file on a terminal. Curiosity leads you to hack the terminal, in hopes there might be information pertinent to your mission in the file. What you find is something else entirely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Access Restricted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were it not ridiculous to present this fic as though one were reading it on a terminal, I would totally do it. But 46 characters wide by 24 lines high is not a fun way of reading a long story, even in snippets like this one. :P So we're going to pretend, okay? :)

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

\- Server 5 -

Welcome to the Pentagon Library, General

> Report on U.F.O. codenamed "Palandine"

> Project Brainstorm Report

> Mission Cloacina Report

> ****Access Restricted****

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> ****Access Restricted****_

* * *

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

****Access Restricted****

CATEGORY: Personal account (WARNING: DISTURBING CONTENT)

CLASSIFICATION: Under review*

NARRATOR: Veronica, a.k.a. Ronnie

NARRATOR CLASSIFICATION: Raider, present location unknown, presumed deceased **

EDITOR: Scribe Victor Jackson, Order of the Quill

SUMMARY: The following text is a faithful transcription of the verbally recorded entries found on a Pip-Boy Model 3000. The unit was recovered in a raider holdout northwest of Canterbury Commons, still attached to the Narrator's severed arm. It is unknown how the unit came into the raiders' possession, as the last entry makes no mention of the group encountered by the Brotherhood of Steel's reconnaissance force. No additional remains of the Narrator were found.

According to the Pip-Boy's data files, the original owner was one Lewis Taylor, former resident of Vault 101, and lately of Megaton. Because his activities are not subject to review nor do they contain questionable content, all files related to Taylor's ownership of the Pip-Boy have been transferred to holotape and are available in the Citadel archives.

On 6 April 2274, all connection to the host was lost. The unit recorded this event as Mr. Taylor's death.

As of 9 April 2274, when the unit was installed on the Narrator's arm, new data began to accumulate. The following information was derived from this initial contact with the new host:

1) The host is female.

2) The host is between 16 and 18 years of age.

3) The host is genetically sterile, either from extensive exposure to radiation, or due to generational mutation.

4) Higher brain functions are average.

5) The host is exhibiting strong signs of chemical addiction, specifically to the pain reducer familiarly known as Med-X.

VALUE TO BROTHERHOOD: The entries provide insight into the psychology of a raider. Through the Narrator's interactions, additional information may be gleaned regarding ghouls and super mutants, the latter being a significant threat in the Capital Wasteland at the time of this writing.

While the details to follow illustrate a lifestyle of murder, chemical abuse, rape, pedophilia, suspected incest, and sado-masochistic violation, the Editor is compelled to state that this is a single raider's viewpoint with regards to a single group of raiders, and should not be taken as a definitive description of the Raider mindset, but merely an example.

REGARDING OMITTED ENTRIES: Some entries have been deliberately omitted from this transcription due to the subject matter. Omitted contents will be noted as they occur, along with the reason for the omission.

* Note: The council is currently reviewing the contents of this personal account to determine its classification. At this time, the implications are such that a classification of 'Heretical' or simply 'Obscene' is being considered. Until such time as a decision is made, the full contents of Scribe Jackson's transcription and commentary are included herein. The transcription is also contained in archival storage, rather than the main repository, to avoid exposure to the general population until full evaluation can be completed.

** Note: For reasons that become obvious in later entries, the Narrator is classified as an enemy of the Brotherhood of Steel who should be terminated on sight. An unknown number of Paladins and Knights were murdered by this woman. It is our hope that the raiders who acquired her arm, did so at the cost of her life.

* * *

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

****Access Restricted****

> Base of Operations: Raider Base, SatCom Array NN-03d

> Base of Operations: Wasteland, Northwest Quadrant

> Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Various

> Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Rivet City

> Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Museum of History ("Underworld")

> Base of Operations: Wasteland, Various

> Base of Operations: Wasteland, Germantown Police Station

> Base of Operations: Wasteland, Springvale Area

> Base of Operations: Wasteland, Megaton

> Back

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> Base of Operations: Raider Base, SatCom..._


	2. Base of Operations: Raider Base, SatCom Array NN-03d

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

Base of Operations: Raider Base, SatCom Array NN-03d

April 6, 2274

_Scribe's note: The Narrator's discovery of the Pip-Boy 3000's recording capabilities came as a surprise. There are multiple recordings on this date, presumably made by accident as the Narrator was examining the unit. The male voice is assumed to be Lewis Taylor's, as the unit does not record his demise until after the third entry timestamp._

**[begin entry 1]**

… what this is for. Blinking lights and shit. What are you, anyway? One of these fucking things oughta...

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

… of a bitch. How's this come off, huh? Stop squirming.

_[weak male voice] Please... you can have it. Just let me go._

_[slapping sound]_

Shut the fuck up. You want Dingo coming back in here?

_[male] No, no, no, no..._

That's what I thought. Maybe this'll do some-...

**[end entry 2]**

**[begin entry 3]**

_[man screaming]_

There we go. More than one way to do it. Say hi to Dingo when he comes in here to shut your fucking ass up.

_[screaming begins to fade with distance]_

_[sounds include footsteps on metal stairs, a door opening]_

_[girl's voice] Ooo, you got it?_

Yeah. Don't know what it's for, but Razor said I could have it.

_[girl's voice] You gonna keep his arm in there?_

No, I just got tired of his bitching and whining. I can think better when it's quiet.

_[girl's voice] What'd you have to do for it?_

The usual. My share of the caps. Some pussy. Lot of pussy, actually.

_[girl's voice] Chuck was looking for you. Hope you got some left for him, cause Dingo's gonna be by soon for me._

Yeah, I got some. I just wanna have a look at this thing some more. It's got all these buttons and shit that don't make no sen-...

**[end entry 3]**

**[begin entry 4]**

Is this... can you hear me?

**[end entry 4]**

**[begin entry 5]**

Wow. I can't believe this shit. You're playing back everything I'm saying. This is so weird. Never heard my own voice before.

_[distant adult male voice] Hey Ronnie! Where you at, girl? Get your ass over here!_

Ah shit, it's Chuck. I'll check you out some more later.

**[end entry 5]**

* * *

April 7, 2274

Um... So... I'm Ronnie. This is our place. It's a good place. We can see for miles around from the tower. Anything moves down there, couple of us go check it out. It's usually stupid Wastelander fucks wandering around. They're so fucking stupid. Worse than them is the Vaulties, like the guy I got you from. He gave up without a fight, him in his clean blue clothes. Dingo likes fucking with them more than Wastelanders, cause they been in their pretty little vaults since the bombs fell, all nice and cozy while the rest of us had to scrape by.

Don't matter. You're mine now. Hope I can figure out this catch thing before this arm starts stinking.

* * *

April 9, 2274

Didn't think I'd have much to say, but I feel like I should. It took me a couple days, but I got you unhooked. Now you're sitting pretty on my arm. Razor thinks you're a lumpy piece of shit that don't do nothing good. I ain't telling nobody about the recording. Or the rad meter. Don't know much about the other things you got. Can't read the words, but I figured out the rad meter real quick. Just don't know what the other things are all about. Well, there's the heart beat thingy. If I turn up the sound, it bips along with my heart. Ain't sure how it does that, but it's kind of neat.

* * *

April 11, 2274

_Scribe's note: This entry has been omitted from the transcription due to its subject matter. In summary, the Narrator recorded an explicit act between herself and a fellow raider by the name of Jammer. Pip-Boy 3000 log files indicate that this entry has been accessed six times._

* * *

April 12, 2274

_Scribe's Note: There are multiple recordings on this date. The second entry has been omitted from the transcription due to its subject matter. In summary, the Narrator recorded an explicit act between herself and the raiders' leader, Razor. Pip-Boy 3000 log files indicate that this entry has been accessed three times._

**[begin entry 1]**

I'm gonna use this thing some more. Nobody knows it can record, so I used it with Jammer. That was fucking hot. I listened to it again this morning and got all wet. Tonight's Razor's turn. Gonna do it again, cause he does me good. I just hope he ain't gonna use the Psycho first. He gets rougher when he's shot up. Better dose myself up just in case. I can take a hit or two if I get enough Med-X before.

I like you, Pip-Boy. You're a good listener.

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

_Omitted._

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

April 14, 2274

It's my day to watch from the tower. I hate it up here. Yeah, I can see all around, but it's a load of shit, you know? There's nothing for miles. I kind of hope Chuck wanders over. He's on the other side. Ain't nothing gonna happen while we're fucking, right? Maybe I'll call him over. I need some dick.

* * *

April 17, 2274

_Scribe's note: This entry has been omitted from the transcription due to its subject matter. In summary, the Narrator recorded an explicit act between herself and a fellow raider by the name of Chuck. Pip-Boy 3000 log files indicate that this entry has been accessed twelve times, and downloaded to holotape four times. It is not known if the tapes were distributed or broadcast publicly._

* * *

April 18, 2274

Went scavving today with Dingo, Chuck, and Noob. She ain't been out yet. Got a pretty good haul. Best when we can find some Wastelanders camped out, cause they got a pile of shit all in one place. Didn't find none today, but we got into an office building that's been giving us trouble for a while. All the entrances were sealed up ages ago. Finally broke through. Probably only been sealed for a couple decades at most, though. It was cause there was ghouls in there. Not too many, nothing we couldn't handle. Dingo gets off on killing them bastards. Few years ago, we ran into a pack of them and one of our guys got taken out. I wasn't there, but they said it was real gross. Dingo's been going nuts killing them ever since.

When he gets a hard-on from killing, he grabs the first pussy he finds. It was mine this time, so he bent me over a desk and gave me a good fucking. Chuck loved that, and nailed Noob on the floor where he could still see us. It was great. All of us together. That don't happen too often, you know? Usually the guys wanna fuck one of us by himself, except when we party. Then it's kind of a big deal, with chems and booze and fucking. All of us in a big mess on the floor, dicks and pussies going at it. Love them parties. Hope we have another one soon.

* * *

April 21, 2274

_Scribe's note: This entry has been omitted from the transcription due to its subject matter. In summary, the Narrator recorded an explicit act between herself and fellow raiders Chuck and Dingo. Pip-Boy 3000 log files indicate that this entry has been accessed thirty-two times, and downloaded to holotape sixteen times. It is not known if the tapes were distributed or broadcast publicly._

* * *

April 22, 2274

Still sore from last night. But fuck, what a time we had! Usually it kind of sucks when Dingo and Chuck both come at me, since they always argue about who gets my pussy, and who has to settle for ass. But this time, they must've figured it out before they stopped by, cause they weren't fighting all the way down the hall. So I figured I'd record it, just in case it wasn't bad. Glad I did.

Dingo wants in a pussy all the time. If we find Wastelanders, he's gotta fuck the girls soon as he sees them. Hates it when there's just guys. So do I, cause he goes after one of us if he don't get a Wastelander bitch to fuck. And he ain't nice when he's pissed. Course, Razor's gotta have them first, him being the leader. But sometimes, if Dingo's brought him enough caps, or Razor's in a good mood, he'll let Dingo have the pick of them first.

I asked Razor once if I could fuck one of the guys we found, cause watching Dingo at it was getting me horny, and he said no. He laughed and told me that ain't how it works, whatever that means. Then he said, you want fucking, I'll give you some. And he had me right then. Real rough, cause I'm his favorite.

He'll do Noob and Angela together, but he takes me and Roxy by ourselves. Far as I know, he's the only one who'll have two of us girls at once. I don't know why. I've had Dingo and Chuck at once, but always Razor by himself, and Jammer alone, too. Guess that's the way it is.

* * *

April 24, 2274

Running out of Med-X. I think I got four or five doses left, and I can't wait on Chuck for his regular supply. Razor said I shouldn't use them up so fast. I didn't wanna tell him, but... it's kind of because of him. He likes to slap his fuck around, and he ain't exactly careful about things. Like, he once beat the fuck outta Roxy. Knocked her cold. It's the Psycho, I'm pretty sure. He shoots up and goes all crazy. Dingo's on Jet half the time, so he ain't much better. Still, Chuck ain't so bad, and Jammer likes to talk a little after he's gotten off, so they kind of even things out.

So if I want more Med-X, I'm gonna have to pull my weight even more. That's how it works: I go scavving with the guys, we bring in loads of shit to sell to one or two of the traders we got deals with, we get caps out the ass for it, and we can buy whatever chems we need. They like to bring me scavving cause I got a way with terminals. Can't read what's on the screen, but that ain't what it's all about anyway. It's patterns, you know? I can figure out numbers and letters. I can get up a screen that's got a bunch of gibberish and shit all over it, but I've gotten so I know what parts of the gibberish might be the password. This hacking tape I use tells me how close I am to cracking it, and it's just about finding a string of letters that looks right.

Course, if I want chems and we ain't going scavving real soon, it's gonna be some kinky shit for Razor. He likes tying up a bitch and sticking shit up her pussy, her ass, down her throat. He don't do it real often to one of us, cause... he likes us. We're his girls. Wastelander bitches, though. Yeah, they get the treatment. I only did it once, cause I was out of Med-X completely, and was starting to get shaky. He put me on this table with my feet tied so they were about as far apart as they could get. I was spread so wide it hurt. He wrapped rope around my tits, too. Squeezed them real tight, then pinched them a lot. Kept telling me I liked it. I ain't stupid; I told him yeah, I like it. Then he got this long stick and fucked my pussy like it was a dick. Ain't sure what he was trying to do with that, but I played along. He kept watching my face, too. Then he got rid of the stick and shoved his fingers up my twat. That was better, and was getting to be kind of good. Then he finally gave me his dick, and by then he was so fucking hot he rammed me hard.

Roxy had to let him have her like that too, and she said he smacked her ass, fucked her pussy, smacked her ass, fucked her pussy, with her tied up on this frame with her legs and arms spread out. He don't do none of that shit if we don't need something from him. It's like, if you're asking Razor for a favor, you gotta pay extra.

* * *

April 25, 2274

Got lucky. Razor said he found a prospect we could hit. He's always looking around with his binoculars. He can see a hell of a lot farther than the rest of us, so maybe he caught sight of a good spot in the settlement a couple miles away. Everybody's going except Jammer and Noob, cause somebody's gotta guard our spot.

* * *

April 26, 2274

I'm on watch duty while everyone's sleeping. We been in a running fight for half a day. Turns out the place Razor spotted was a raider hang-out. Dingo about killed him, but he said he only saw movement, not what was moving. Anyway, they ain't friends of ours, so we been taking them out. Teach them to chase us down.

Course, Dingo managed to get a hold of one of their bitches. He fucked her good and hard, then blew her head off. Served her ass right. I'm still hurting from taking a couple hits during the fight.

Chuck patched me up, cause Angela was busy with Razor, and Dingo went after Roxy when he was done with the raider bitch. Chuck didn't fuck me, though. I'm kind of glad. I just wanna sleep. But I got a couple hours to go before I can do that.

* * *

April 27, 2274

We're back, and Noob said she spent the whole time getting it. Jammer had her in every room, on every stick of furniture, every mattress. Lucky bitch. I like Jammer. He don't do chems so much that he goes fucking nuts on your ass.

* * *

April 30, 2274

The boys were getting bored, so they dragged a couple Wastelanders in. They're from a little settlement not too far away. Razor's making their folks pay ransom to get them back. Just for the fuck of it. Dingo's shitting himself cause one's a girl. We got to watch him fuck her a couple times. Chuck did me on all fours so we could both see it all. Jammer wanted in, too, so they took turns. Razor put Roxy to work on his dick. Angela and Noob had to guard the other Wastelander fuck, so they missed everything. Pissed them off. Except... Razor don't know it, but they fucked that Wastelander, the two of them did. He didn't wanna at first, they said, but they worked on him, and he finally got it up for them. Noob said it was great. She got to ride him, and Angela made him lick her pussy. I ain't heard of that kind of thing, but she said it felt real good.

Course, we all know better than to ask for that. The guys don't do that shit.

* * *

May 1, 2274

I'm about going nuts. That Wastelander bitch won't stop crying. She's in the next room and these broken up old walls are worthless for keeping noise like that quiet. Dingo ain't been nice, but shit. Shut the fuck up, already.

* * *

May 3, 2274

Still ain't got the caps from the Wastelander fuck's family. Razor's getting pissed. He sent the guy's finger to them, show he meant business. They keep saying they can't get that much, and he tells them it'll go up if they keep making excuses. Then we all have a laugh, cause the guy's already dead and hanging from one of the walkways, and the bitch is only alive cause the boys are still fucking her. I heard Razor did his kinky thing to her. Better her than me.

* * *

May 6, 2274

It's Sunday, so Chuck came by with some Med-X. He's pretty good about that; he'll bring me some Med-X and I'll give him something extra with the pussy. It's our deal. He's got a stash somewhere, cause I know we don't have enough for him to keep giving me a couple days' worth every week.

He likes me to jerk him off. That's the extra. First the pussy, then the hand. I'm game. Whatever he wants, long as I get my chems.

Today he said, don't never grow up, kid. Then he ruffled up my hair. I hope I'm his favorite, too. There was a girl here for awhile that he liked a lot, when I was growing up. Sally or Shelly... something like that. She took care of me when my mom was busy fucking or scavving. She was nice, but she disappeared like my mom did. Then we got Roxy.

I guess that's how it is – there's a guy for every girl. Probably keeps them from bitching about having to wait for a fuck. Razor don't like whiny babies. I remember when I was real little, he told me if I opened my mouth again, he was sticking his dick in it. He had to do it once, too, cause I thought he was kidding, and wouldn't shut up. I can take a mouthful of dick now, but not so good when I was six.

* * *

May 8, 2274

_Scribe's Note: There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

Crow's almost here. I spotted him from the tower. I love it when he comes by! He don't have a ton of chems on him usually, but he's good about holding back a few doses of Med-X. He passes them to me on the sly when Razor ain't looking. He knows I get it rough around here sometimes.

I think he makes Razor pay more caps for the armor he sells. I don't know why, but it's like... he talks real cold to Razor. Like he don't like him much. At least he still comes around. Always asks how I'm doing. And the other girls, too. Always wants to know if we're doing okay.

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

I don't know what Crow's problem is. He asked how old I was, and when I told him, he got all serious. He said I needed to get the fuck away from here. Like... it ain't good for me to stick around. I couldn't believe it. Then he said my mom didn't get killed out in the wasteland like they told me. He saw her in some weird vision he had. He was being real spooky, talking about visions and spirits and shit. But he said... he said he saw Lacy – my mom – get killed by Razor. Razor? Why the fuck would Razor kill her? He said, maybe she got too old. She wasn't much older than me when she died. And he gave me this weird look.

Whatever he's thinking, it's bullshit. I'm Razor's favorite. He fucks me alone, twice a week. He don't do the other girls like that. I'm his favorite. And Chuck said, my mom was his favorite, too. So why would he kill her, huh? She was scavving and didn't come back. He didn't fucking kill her. That's crazy. That's just fucking nuts.

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

May 9, 2274

I ain't gonna think about what Crow said. I almost asked Chuck, cause he's about as old as Razor, so he knows everything that happens around here. He's on the Med-X like me, and it gets him real mellow. Sometimes when he's tripping, he gets chatty. I almost asked about Shelly. I think that was it. Shelly. And my mom. But I stopped. Crow's full of crazy bullshit. This is my place. I got it good here. I ain't fucking it up with stupid ass questions that don't make no difference.

* * *

May 11, 2274

I got switched up. It was Razor this time, not Chuck, on account of Roxy's throwing up and got the shits from something nasty. Chuck's busy keeping her insides in, so Razor came for some pussy from me instead. He was fucked up on Psycho, too. Had to use my last dose to get through it.

You know... I ain't never paid much attention to what he says when he's fucking me. It's just crazy shit, mostly. But... I listened this time, and... he called me Lacy once. Then, when I was on my stomach and he was reaming my ass out but good, he called me 'baby girl.' I don't know what that shit was about, cause I'm older than all the girls. I ain't a baby no more.

Anyway, it don't matter. Chuck was easy on me when he showed up later with the chems. Roxy's doing okay now that she's emptied herself out. Them boxes of food we find can be real bastards if you ain't lucky.

* * *

May 12, 2274

_Scribe's Note: The Narrator's voice is shaky, rapid, and incomprehensible. Transcription is impossible for this entry. Background sounds indicate that a celebration is occurring._

* * *

May 13, 2274

I'm all worn out. Last night was one of them big parties where we get all kinds of chems and booze going. It was great. Couple of raiders from another group were by with some shit to party with, so me and the girls were real busy. They never met Noob yet, so she was getting it a lot.

Looks like their group's gonna get together with us tomorrow and hit a good sized Wastelander settlement. Dingo was all grumpy about it 'til they said there's girls, then he was behind the team-up all the way. I just hope we can get a decent load of chems. It's been tough getting my fix every day without going to Razor. Seems I been getting put on the rack more often lately cause the Med-X ain't so easy to come by as it was. Between you and me, I don't like it half as much as I tell him I do.

* * *

May 14, 2274

It's better in here. All the screaming and yelling... Gets on your nerves after awhile, you know? Them raiders pulled through, and we did a number on that settlement. I think I bagged two Wastelander shits myself. The guys grabbed two girls, so they're having a little party downstairs. That's what all the noise is about. I'd watch, but I just get horny, and there ain't a spare dick to be had 'til them girls run outta air.

I got maybe ten doses of Med-X from that place. They were making their own chems and selling them off, so everybody got hooked up good. Lots of caps laying around, too. Not so many guns, though. Kind of weird. There was only maybe ten or so of them, too. Not much of a defense put up.

Anyway, it don't matter. They're all dead now. Except them two girls, that is. Wish they'd shut the fuck up already. It's just dick.

* * *

May 15, 2274

Dingo just left. Them Wastelander bitches finally died from all the fucking, and now it's back to business as usual. It was kind of nice, actually. Didn't mind it much. I got to messing around with this Pip-Boy some more, and found a couple radio signals. Mostly just ham stuff. We're too far away to pick up Galaxy, and nobody wants to listen to that Enclave bullshit. One of the ham signals sounded promising, though. Some dumb Wastelander asshole asking for help. If I know Razor, that's too sweet a deal to pass up.

* * *

May 17, 2274

Had a great haul from that whiner this morning. The little fuck was sitting on a mess of chems. Razor was in a good mood, so we all got extras. Even me and Noob. The boys got real frisky soon as we got back, so it's been one after another for us girls for hours. Figured it was worth using one of my two Med-Xs; that kept me going. Dingo got whacked out on Jet and freaked. Knocked Roxy around something awful. Angela's patching her up. Chuck was pissed cause the Wastelander was a guy all by his lonesome. Sorry, Chuck – no pussy. I laughed my ass off the whole time he was making that guy wish he had tits and a cunt.


	3. Base of Operations: Wasteland, Northwest Quadrant

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

Base of Operations: Wasteland, Northwest Quadrant

May 19, 2274

It's been a couple days. Didn't feel safe talking out loud. We got hit hard. We weren't the only ones who picked up that fucker's signal; some Brotherhood assholes came in right after. Not sure how they figured out it was us, or tracked us down to the tower. Why'd they even care? Ain't like we had all these weapons or computers or shit, like they're always scavving. None of the shit in that place worked. And it ain't the dumbass Wastelanders they was helping, neither, cause everybody knows them shit-for-brains don't give a fuck if it ain't metal.

_[pause]_

Fucking assholes. Killed everyone. If I hadn't been cooling my burning ass in the trough, I'd be dead too. Chuck must've picked up something nasty off one of them dirty cunts last week. Thanks, dumbass. Nothing a shot of Radaway won't cure, though. Probably. Whatever. I just... just... oh wow. That's... mmmm... Good old Med-X. If you had a dick, I'd fuck you.

* * *

May 23 2274

Fuck. It's Wednesday. That's Jammer's day. I'm so fucking horny, even a mole rat's looking good. I miss him, and I know I shouldn't. He wasn't no different from any of the others, but... I guess he kind of was. Sort of. Ah, who am I kidding? He called me Roxy once when he was pounding me. And Angela another time. He didn't even know who he was fucking half the time. Still... wish I'd used this thing more often. Maybe next time.

* * *

May 24, 2274

First decent meal I had in days, and it's fucking snack cakes. Stale, nasty, glow-in-the-dark snack cakes. I've had the shits for an hour. Anyway, I've got an idea. These ruins are like little whores flashing their tits. I just gotta make them give up the goods. We used to sell loads of shit to those traders that roam around with their brahmin and guards. Most of them had good quality chems we could trade for. And if I don't have enough caps, I can always fuck for them. Chuck told me I had a sweet pussy. At least... I'm pretty sure he meant mine. Whatever. Fucker's dead. Got his head blown clear off. Served him right.


	4. Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Various

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Various

May 26, 2274

First time on my own, and I made 27 caps off of Crazy Wolfgang. This end of town is pretty picked over, so I was lucky to get so much. I found a stash someone left behind. Should've used a better lock. The stash got me a bunch of caps, but he wasn't gonna part with a dose of Med-X without a round of twat. Wasn't so bad. I've had better dick, but you take what you can get around here. Soon as I find a place to hole up, I'm using it. It's been at least a day since I got high. Nothing takes your mind off a shitty fuck like Med-X.

* * *

June 5, 2274

I'm getting along real well with the traders on this route. They're mostly men, which is good. Anything I want that I can't trade for, I can get real easy from them. A fuck's worth about ten caps' worth of Med-X. Blowjobs'll get me a whole box of ammo. Only Crazy Wolfgang pops my ass, but he pays me in caps I can buy anything with, so I let him have at it. I'm getting so that when I smell brahmin shit, I get real jumpy cause I know there's gonna be some dick. Fuck, I love dick. Last time Doc Hoff was round, he shot me up with some Jet and I did him and both his guards. Couldn't get enough. Fucked them so hard... Damn, that was one wild night. Or day. Shit, I don't remember.

* * *

June 9, 2274

_Scribe's Note: This entry has been omitted from the transcription due to its subject matter. In summary, the Narrator recorded an explicit act between herself and a trader known as Crazy Wolfgang. Pip-Boy 3000 log files indicate that this entry has been accessed 28 times, and downloaded twice. It is not known if the tapes were distributed or broadcast publicly._

* * *

June 10, 2274

Saw my first mutie today. Those bastards are huge. I was really far away or he would've come after me. I'm staying the fuck out of that part of town, let me tell you.

Just listened to last night with Wolfgang again. Closed my eyes, and I was fucking him again. Damn. It was like he was trying extra hard. Didn't wanna sound like a virgin or something. Afterwards, we listened to the recording and fucked again, cause it was so hot. That's gonna get me through some lonely nights, you know? Fuck, I wanna hear it again.

* * *

June 15, 2274

_Scribe's Note: The Narrator's voice is slurred in this entry. It is not clear whether she is intoxicated or high._

It's hard. Like... all this running around alone, in and out of buildings about to fall down. Trying to hide from the muties, the Brotherhood assholes, the ghouls, this, that, and the other... Now it's fucking raiders. They're holed up in Falls Church. I thought it was just gonna be some radroaches, but it was raiders. So I tried to join up, cause we're in this shit together, ain't we? Not anymore, looks like. Five of'em tied me up and nailed me hard. Over and over... shit. One of'em's into strangling. Throat's killing me. Thought I was gonna die. Pussy's real sore, too. Can't even feel my ass. I mean, shit. All they had to say was, 'Wanna fuck?' I would've fucked'em. Would've let'em do anything. But they didn't ask. Just... did it. Like I was one of them Wastelander bitches. I'd probably still be there if this load of ghouls hadn't shown up. I ain't seen them... like that. Just... ripping limbs off, digging guts out... Eating them before they were even dead...

_[sounds of dry-heaving]_

Whatever. Worst thing was, they took all my shit. Every scrap of it. And I can't go get it back, cause the ghouls are all over that place. So when Doc comes this way tomorrow, it's gonna be pussy for chems, cause I got nothing else. Gonna have to just grin and bear it, I guess. Like when Dingo used to do me. Fuck, he was nasty sometimes. He'd spread me good, like way wide open. These guys were like that, too. I like a good spreading, don't get me wrong. But... it was different. Not even like Razor when he was getting his kink on, with the ropes and the spreading. Just... different. I dunno. Maybe I need another dose.

* * *

June 17, 2274

Doc knows I'll do anything for Med-X. Fucker. Fucking fucker. He wants chems, not twat. There's a hospital in the metro area* he's too much of a coward to go in himself, so he's sending little me. Promising me all the Med-X I can carry if I scav the place. Probably put a bullet in my head before he parts with that much Med-X, cause I can carry a shitload if I put my mind to it. There's a catch, I know it. How the fuck does a hospital go that long without getting stripped clean? There's something nasty in there. Something nasty...

But he fucking knows me. Says he won't be back around for a week, and I better have the chems or he won't be back ever. Then he fucked my mouth. And... and called me a sc- scab. And... when he was done, he... he laughed at me, like... like I was nothing. Maybe... I am.

_*Note: It is assumed that the hospital in question is Our Lady of Hope Hospital, based on the location log files in the Pip-Boy at the time of the recording._

* * *

June 19, 2274

_Scribe's Note: The Narrator's voice is difficult to hear, as her voice is low-pitched to avoid detection. By background noise and verbal context, it appears she has entered the aforementioned hospital, followed by the Statesman Hotel next door. There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

Listen, um... I'm not real sure this was a good idea. There's muties all over the place, and... um... bodies. And bags of... of... parts. Just... everywhere. These guys... they're big, and loud, and... and... I'm scared shitless, all right? I guess this is why nobody's scavved the place.

_[sound of heavy footsteps]_

Oh fuck...

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

Found a door to a building full of rooms next door. Like... bedrooms or some shit. More muties in here. They may be dumb, but they ain't deaf. I just wanna get out alive. I've got a handful of Jet and some Buffout. Doc's just gonna have to be happy with that.

**[end entry 2]**

**[begin entry 3]**

Trapped. It's a closet, I think. There's a shitload of running around going on out there in the hall. And... I saw this... this thing. I don't know what the fuck it was. It was like... made of... body parts and... had tentacles in its face or some weird shit.* Like a really bad trip. Except I ain't on the shit right now. Doc didn't set me up before he sent me out. Whatever they are, the muties get along with them.

_*Note: The description matches a centaur, an abomination bred by super mutants to serve as guard animals._

**[end entry 3]**

**[begin entry 4]**

Don't these motherfuckers ever sleep?

**[end entry 4]**

**[begin entry 5]**

Things are quiet out there. I think they've gone on whatever killing spree they were planning, or they're asleep. I don't fucking care. My ass is cramped to hell and back. I couldn't even piss in case they heard it, so I've gotta go real bad. I'm chancing it. Wish me luck.

**[end entry 5]**

* * *

June 20, 2274

Fuck Doc hard. After what I went through, these chems go to the next fucking trader I see. Wolfgang's due in another day. If he don't make it round, I'll hold out for Crow. Last time I talked to Crow, he said he could get me in to Rivet City. I might take him up on it. Just to get outta this shit hole for a bit. He said there's a lot of work there. Wastelanders are always trying to fix the place up, make it nice and secure. Mostly from folks like me, I'll bet. So I guess I'll see what I can do with that. Prissy little assholes. I'll probably end up trading pussy for chems, cause I ain't pushing a fucking broom around, and that's a promise.

* * *

June 22, 2274

_Scribe's Note: The Narrator's voice is slurred and tired. Chem use is suspected._

Wolfgang came through. Got some caps, some Med-X, some dick. I asked him about my twat, if it was clean enough for Rivet City, and he said he wouldn't eat it, but it was good for fucking. Like I'd let him eat me or something. I'm not that desperate. What's he think he is, a fucking ghoul? Yeah, the gang I ran with hung bodies around for show, but we didn't fucking eat them. Gross.

Anyway. I washed a little. Just... cause I haven't... in a while. Not for Rivet City, though. I'll drag my ass through mirelurk shit before I go in there. Show them.


	5. Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Rivet City

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Rivet City

June 25, 2274

I fucking hate this place. Everyone's looking at me like I'm a ghoul or something. The hallways are narrow as fuck, too. Someone said it was a warship or battleship. Some kind of boat. Whatever. The only place I can sleep is a squatter's hole in the wall with about five other people. One of them's a kid, and he's a little shit. His mom's a bitch and keeps looking at me like just being in the same room with me'll get her dirty. When she ain't around, I piss in her bed. She still don't know it's me; thinks it's that Cantelli fucker. Dumb bitch.

Yeah, I might've said something about Paulie hanging out where he ain't supposed to be. Tried getting on his good side, since his wife runs the chem shop. Everybody knows he's ripping off his own shop. I thought maybe he'd share, you know? Cindy's always bitching at him about it, so... figured he probably wasn't getting taken care of at home. Turns out his head's too deep in the chems. If I had some, he might fuck me for them, but it ain't gonna work the other way around. So fuck him. There's this other guy that looks promising. And he ain't so bad looking, either. He's got caps, that's all I care about. Caps and nobody to spend them on. I'm gonna check him out tonight and see if he might be interested in spending them on me.

* * *

June 27, 2274

That guy Bannon. He's a fucking freak. You know what he made me do for five measly caps? Finger myself while he watched. And he's just sitting there drinking a scotch, watching me at it with this weird look on his face. To hear everyone talk about him, he's this high-and-mighty council member, whatever the fuck that is, and he's at church every Sunday. Bullshit. He sells scummy clothes in his little shop. The kind of shit I'd find in a ruin or something.

So...yeah, I kind of... cut a deal with him. I'll get him clothes, and he'll pay me in caps. Kind of like a supplier. Plus... anytime he wants to, you know, watch me... do it. So. It ain't chems, but it's caps. That'll get me the Med-X I need. I'm about nuts right now. Ain't had it in days. That Cantelli bitch wants too much for it. I've got this five caps and that's it. I've had to beat the fuck out of radroaches just to eat. Maybe it's a safe place to crash, but Rivet City is full of fucking Wastelanders and their 'I'm so much better than you' attitudes. There's no lifting shit around here, either, cause the damn guards are all over the place. I tried working one of them up, cause I need dick about as much as I need Med-X, but he looked at me like I was something nasty he stepped in.

Nobody wants a fuck, you know? Anyplace else, I can use it to get whatever I need. Here, I gotta do weird shit for next to nothing. Guess I'll head out in the morning and... I dunno. Scav some wreckage. I ain't going back to that place full of bedrooms and muties, though. Bannon don't need clothes that bad. There's some neighborhoods not far away. Houses and shit. Maybe I can bust into a couple and see what they've got in their drawers.

* * *

June 28, 2274

_Scribe's Note: The first entry is difficult to hear, as the Narrator is whispering. There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

I think I'm gonna die. There's a ghoul in the next room. He's rummaging around. Don't think he knows I'm here. I've only got a handful of bullets left.

_[door opening]_

Oh shit! I don't wanna die, please oh shit please don't fucking kill me...

_[male voice] Who're you?_

I didn't do nothing, I swear, I'm just looking for junk is all. I'm so sorry, I didn't know...

_[male voice] Hey, calm down. Nobody's gonna hurt you._

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

I'm not sure what to say. His name's Barry. He's a ghoul, except... not like the ones I've seen. His brains still work, I guess. He didn't kill me or nothing. Didn't even try to. We both hit this house at the same time, scavving for junk. He's looking for wiring and circuitry, so he's busting up old televisions and phones. He's got a wicked gun, too. Way better than mine. Thought he was gonna use it on me. Okay, I thought he was gonna kill me and rip out my guts. Except... he ain't like that. Looks like he's like that, but he ain't.

It was... kind of nice, just... sitting and talking to someone for a bit. He wasn't looking at me like I was something gross he just puked up. Probably because he looks... I asked him if he had any Med-X, and he said he don't collect chems. Didn't say it all sniffy like them folks at Rivet City, just... like it wasn't his thing.

I never thought I'd say this, but... I kinda hope I run into him again. Barry. Huh. Weird name for a ghoul.

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

June 30, 2274

I was lucky to get about ten pieces of clothing for Bannon the last couple days. The cheap motherfucker only gave me ten caps for the lot. He said if I put on a show for him, I'd get another five. I worked it hard, hoping he'd throw in extra. No dice. He rubbed his crotch, though.

_[lengthy pause]_

I didn't see Barry. Not that I was looking for him or anything.

* * *

July 2, 2274

Found a guy in the ruins who'd pay for a fuck. He was high on Turbo, and rammed me super fast and hard. Then he crashed. I took the shit he promised me while he was out cold and got outta there. Bannon didn't want any of it, so I hit up that Shrapnel guy to sell it all off. Turns out he and his partner ain't so fussy about twat. They'll take mine for some caps and Med-X. It's gotta be better than that Bannon asshole. I've been itching for dick, and I'm getting two at once. My lucky day. Maybe they'll let me dose up before they get down to business.

Still ain't seen Barry. I hope he's okay.

* * *

July 5, 2274

Got a line on a supplier. This new guy, Dave. He was in the Rudder getting drunk with his pals. Dave said he could get me some Med-X if I was 'nice.' So I was nice. I sucked his dick under the table, cause the bouncer's a hard ass and would've kicked me out if I rode a dick out in the open. I'm gonna meet him at his place in a little while. He said he had lots of shit for me.

* * *

July 7, 2274

_Scribe's note: The Narrator's voice is slurred and thick. She is sobbing through most of this entry._

Nothing. I got nothing. Had to nick this dose off Paulie when he was passed out. Motherfucker! Dave... shit. Fuck him. He set me up. Shot me up. Hurts to piss. He kept jamming things up my ass. I didn't know what the fuck he was doing. He took everything. Everything. Kept me in a fucking closet for days, kept jamming me with needles. I don't fucking do Psycho. It ain't good for me. Didn't know up from down. Who was in my twat, my ass, my mouth... He fucking pissed on my face! I'm gonna kill him. I swear, I'm gonna fucking cut him.

I woke up after a long time and I was on the flight deck. All my shit was gone. Even my clothes, gone. Dave's pals... five or six of'em... Fuck. A couple holding me down, like I was even fighting. Didn't know what the fuck, like it was a dream or something. I dunno. And just this... pounding. They were doing me hard, twat and ass, just one after the other. It was like when I ran into those raiders in Falls Church. Just fucking ask! Or say you wanna. I like dick; I'll take dick. Just say, I got some dick, okay? I'll take it. I swear, I'll fucking take it. You don't have to hurt me.

And Dave's saying shit like, 'Am I in?' 'This is good, right?' 'I bet we can... we can do her... do her again... for chems.' 'Just... give her chems, and you can... you can do anything you want.'

Barry didn't do none of that. He didn't say nothing about it. Just... told me to take care of myself. He gave me some Cram for free. Told me... to be quiet as a mouse. What the fuck's a mouse, Barry? Is it a good thing? What is it?

Shit. Shit. Where are you, huh? Where the fuck are you?

* * *

July 8, 2274

Got some clothes off Bannon. Had to do a show for him first, though. That was enough for a lousy skirt. Had to... to put a... a bottle in my cunt... for a shirt.

_[sobbing]_

* * *

July 18, 2274

I found him. Barry. He was in this museum place with robots and shit in it. I asked him... More like begged. Just sort of blurted stupid shit. Told him I'd... I'd fuck him if he wanted, just... just get me out of Rivet City, okay? And he sat me down, and... and held my hands. He fucking held my hands, and told me it was gonna be okay. And... and I didn't have to do that. He said... it wasn't... necessary.

_[short pause]_

So... after we clear one more building, he figures he's got enough shit for his friend, and he's taking me to a place called Underworld. Never heard of it. He said it's full of ghouls. Like him. And I'll be safe there, even though I'm... I'm a smoothskin.

Heh. Smoothskin. He says it like... real soft. Like it's a nice thing to be. Nobody's ever... And he calls me Veronica. Everyone else just calls me Ronnie. Or Bitch. Or Cunt. Or... or Scab. Barry; he calls me Veronica.


	6. Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Museum of History ("Underworld")

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

Base of Operations: Capital Wasteland, Museum of History ("Underworld")

July 19, 2274

_Scribe's note: The Narrator's voice is unsteady as if she is close to tears._

I don't know what to do here. Barry said... he said just... just rest and... get some sleep. I thought he'd put me up in his place or something, but... He's got me set up in a rented bed. Carol's Place. She's... First she was like... okay, then... he told her I was... having a rough time, and... needed a place to stay. She looked at me and... called me... 'poor dear.' Brought me some... some clean clothes. Her friend, Greta, cooked up something for me. I... I dunno what... what to do with it. It's like... they look at me, and... I'm just a smoothskin to them. Just... a smoothskin.

* * *

July 20, 2274

Barry scavs for a ghoul named Winthrop. The kind of shit he brings back is to keep this place running. Scrap metal, wiring, anything. He said I can go out with him if I want.

_[pause]_

He don't want me taking Med-X no more. Says it... makes me do bad things to myself. Shit that ain't good for me. Maybe he's right. I told him I'd think about it. He said... if I do it, if I wanna get off it, he'd help me. He said he's seen people trying to quit and it's bad, so... he'll help me.

_[pause]_

Why is he so nice to me? I ain't doing nothing for him, and he's... he's helping me out, and giving me food and clothes and... He ain't asked for nothing. Is it a trick? A joke? It don't make sense. You don't give nobody nothing unless they pay for it. Back with the raiders, if I wanted some Med-X, I fucked for it. If I wanted to eat, I scavved my share. Wasn't that way in Rivet City, though. Seemed I took a lot of dick and got nothing. Less than nothing, cause they all swiped my shit. But here... they're looking at me like I'm a baby who don't know what the fuck. Like I'm dumb or... or helpless. Cause I ain't helpless. I know what I'm doing.

* * *

July 24, 2274

I think I know why Barry don't want fucking: it's cause he don't have a dick. We were in a subway tunnel and some of those mean ghouls were there. I almost pissed myself, but they didn't bother us. Like Barry was one of their own or something. But I saw it. One of them wasn't wearing pants, and his dick... Shit, it was like this little twig dangling between his legs, all shriveled up. I feel real sorry for Barry.

* * *

July 25, 2274

_Scribe's Note: There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

Fuck, it's like the middle of the night, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about Barry's dick. There's bathrooms in this place. If ghouls don't have dicks, how do they piss? I wanna ask Barry, but I'm afraid to. Maybe he'd get mad at me for asking.

_[pause]_

I miss fucking. That shit in Rivet City... that wasn't... I didn't like that kind of fucking. I wish...

_[pause]_

I wish Barry had a dick. It sounds kind of sick, but... I wanna fuck him. I just... he's being so nice, doing all this shit for me... I wanna give him something back. I've even been... washing up good. Down there. So maybe... if... if he wants... he can... Cause it ain't dirty no more, so... maybe...

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

I asked. I couldn't stand it. It was kind of his fault, though. We were in this office building, and he said he had to piss. I wanted real bad to watch, and see for myself, you know? But I just said something stupid like, "I didn't think ghouls had dicks."

He kind of laughed a little, and asked if... if it was important. To me. Whether he has a dick or not. I didn't know what to say. I wanna give him... something. Shouldn't I do that? He's been so good to me. Guys... they want pussy, right? It's... it's the same everywhere. They don't want you around unless... unless you're giving them pussy. Don't even... wanna... talk to you. And he's talking to me, so... why don't he want it? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

July 26, 2274

Had a talk with Snowflake. He's this weirdo ghoul who cuts hair. Been giving me looks, like... Well, I thought he maybe wanted... you know. So I... I said he could... if he wanted. He laughed and said he only wanted to style my hair. Cause ghouls don't have much. It was weird, cause I felt like I could ask him about it. So I did, and he said... everything soft kind of falls off. Rots off. Whatever. For some guys, it's real hard to take, losing their dicks. About as hard as being turned into a ghoul in the first place. Then the dick goes, and... smoothskins like me don't... We don't wanna fuck them no more. He said Barry had a wife, and it didn't happen to her. He got uglier and grosser, and she... she just... split. The bitch called him a monster. How could anyone...? I mean, he's the nicest... Does shit for me, and don't ask for a thing. You ask me, she was the monster.

I like it here, with Barry, even if he don't have a dick. It's okay. I can live without dick, I think.

* * *

July 28, 2274

_Scribe's Note: There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

I was wrong about living without dick. I just can't. I want Barry's dick so bad. Fuck, I wish he had one. He ain't talked to me since... since I asked about it. Won't even look at me. We're supposed to go out in the ruins and look for more scraps for Winthrop today. I don't know if he'll come get me or not. Did I fuck it up with him? I don't know what to do, what to say... I'm so fucking stupid.

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

Barry said he ain't mad at me, he just didn't know what to say neither. He said... this is so weird. He said he lost his dick almost two hundred years ago. How the fuck can he be that old? He said he stopped thinking about it something like a hundred years ago. Stopped wishing it was there. I feel real bad. It took him a hundred years to get over losing it, and I made him think about it again, and... feel like shit. Like... he ain't enough without it. Not enough... for me. Why's he even thinking like that? I'm the one who don't deserve...

He just... I wish I hadn't said nothing. When I open my mouth, oughta get a dick put in it, cause what comes out is so fucking stupid. And... he said... he ain't the kind to just... fuck someone. Like... all this time I been saying he can fuck me if he wants, and... he just don't do that. Not cause he can't, he just don't. He wants to love someone, he said. And for her to love him too. Except now, I guess, even with that, he can't fuck no more.

I told him I don't even know what the fuck that is. Love. I've heard of it, I guess. Razor once said he loves fucking Wastelander bitches in their little shacks, cause they're alone. Chuck said he loved this pistol of his. I think Dingo loved Psycho. He said none of that was what he was talking about. He said... moms love their babies. Like... that's a rule or something. He asked if I remember that. About my mom. So I told him about her.

She grew up in that raider gang, same as me. I was a mistake; she didn't think she could have kids, and I came along. She once told me the raiders let me live cause I'd be useful. I didn't know for what until I was ten and Razor popped my cherry. If I bitched about anything, she smacked me. If I didn't do what she told me, she hit harder.

Barry... he was so shocked. Couldn't believe I got my first fuck at ten. Like that's weird or something. I saw Roxy grow up, and she was bending over for Chuck when she was nine. Noob was just twelve when the whole gang got wiped out. Just five years younger than me. And she was sucking dick around ten. They bought Angela from Paradise Falls when she was eleven, and we didn't even get out of sight of the place before they'd all been at her pussy twice. She'd been had before we got her, too.

He hugged me. Looked like maybe he was gonna cry. He said kids shouldn't be done like that. Said I shouldn't have been done that way. I almost got mad at him, cause... that was the way it was. I was in. Yeah, I fucked them guys. Fucked them a lot. All kinds of ways. Sucked'em and fucked'em. All the time. But they gave me stuff. I got my share of food and chems. I had a place to live. They took care of me, you know? Fucking was my side of the deal. That's how it is. They had the chems, I had the pussy. We made a trade. It was fucking fair. Not like those fucks in Rivet City. Took my pussy and my shit. But them raiders at Falls Church, they didn't owe me nothing. So... it's okay, I guess. Still... wish they'd asked. I wanted in. If they'd let me in, I would've done them all anyway. That's the deal.

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

July 30, 2274

I feel real bad. I can't tell Barry about this. He just wouldn't understand. The doc won't sell me Med-X cause Barry told him not to, and I... I need it. I really need it. He's got nothing I can fuck, so... I snuck out of Underworld for a while. I... I was hunting around, looking for a stash of chems or someone selling... A trader or drifter. Anything. Almost went back to Rivet City. Cause... I want dick, too. Fuck, I want dick. Anyway, this guy's gone to his stash in another building. I'm waiting for him. He's gonna give me five doses for all my caps and a couple hours in my pussy. It's worth it. It's fucking worth it.

* * *

July 31, 2274

I can't sneak nothing past Barry. He caught me with the Med-X. He knew I was gone last night. He took it away from me. He said he's getting me off the shit now. At least I got one dose in before he locked me up. Yeah, I'm in a fucking storeroom. There's a mattress in here, and a bucket for pissing. He said he'd be back in a bit to check on me. See how it's going. I'm bored. About the only thing I got is this Pip-Boy. It's got some monitors on it. I'm watching my heart beats on the meter. Bip. Bip. Bip. Bip.

* * *

August 1, 2274

_Scribe's note: The following entries are sometimes difficult to comprehend. The Narrator is clearly suffering withdrawal symptoms, and is plagued with paranoid delusions and hallucinations. What can be discerned is included here. There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

I've been screaming for an hour. It's like nobody's out there. Barry said he'd be out there. Where the fuck is he? Did he run off and leave me?

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

The mattress is alive. I can hear it breathing. Can you hear it?

_[sound of muffled scuffing]_

What do you feed a mattress? I'm not sleeping on it. I don't trust it.

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

August 2, 2274

_Scribe's note: Recordings appear to be accidental. There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

[incomprehensible screaming]

[incessant banging]

[sobbing]

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

...[Y]OU HEAR ME, BARRY? I WILL KILL YOU, AND WINTHROP, AND SNOWFLAKE, AND... AND I'LL EVEN KILL CAROL! I WANT OUT! LET ME THE FUCK OUT!

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

August 4, 2274

_[sobbing]_

I wanna die. Fuck, I wanna die. He's left me here to die. I'm gonna go to sleep and just... not wake up. Cause this mattress is gonna eat me. It's been looking at me for hours and hours. Just staring. It's gonna eat me. I know it. And he just fucking left me in here with it. Like he don't care. He just don't care if I live or die. Motherfucking ZOMBIE! You don't like that, do you? ZOMBIE! ZOMBIE! ZOOOOOOMBIIIIIIE!

* * *

August 5, 2274

_[sobbing]_

I'm sorry, Barry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Please, please let me out! I won't call you that no more, I swear! Please, Barry! Please... Barry... please... _[incomprehensible]_

* * *

August 8, 2274

I've been sleeping a lot, but... I'm better. Barry acts like he didn't hear any of the shit I said. I hope he didn't. I was just listening to it all this morning. It was like listening to someone else. Carol made me something to eat and patted my head. She said I'd feel better the longer I'm off the stuff. Better every day.

_[sounds of sniffling]_

What am I gonna do? Barry's done so much, and I'm just... taking it. What can I give him back? All I got's pussy, and he don't want that. But I guess... Snowflake told me... he said ghouls get to missing being touched. Nobody wants to, cause their skin's all scabby and flaking off and shit. They kind of like touching smoothskins, cause they sort of miss being like us. Maybe if I touched him, he'd like that. I've never done it. Touched him, I mean. I guess I was afraid... it would happen to me if I did. But I don't think it works like that. I hope it doesn't, anyway.

* * *

August 12, 2274

I feel... different. Me and Barry were out scavving. We holed up in this building to have something to eat, take a break, whatever. Sat on this ugly, smelly couch. The walls were gone – like the place was hit by a nuke. The moon came up. It was all quiet. I was just looking at it, the moon. It looked like a big, bright smile. He told me there was a while there, after the bombs fell, that he couldn't see the moon. Or the sun, really. The sky was brown for a long time, and there were these brown and yellow clouds all the time. You hardly knew day from night.

He kept going, cause I was listening to him. He said there used to be these things called planes in the sky, flying over all the time. Taking folks from one end of the country to another. And the big metal junkers all over the place... they used to move. He had one, a Corvega Galaxy. Said it was only a year old when everything went to hell. Still smelled new. His voice kind of changed a little, and I could tell he was sad. He said his wife used to like riding in it. Then he wouldn't talk no more.

So I did it. I held his hand. He stared at it, our two hands, for a while. I kind of looked too, cause... we're so different. Me and my smooth skin, and him... And he said he was sorry. I got no idea why, cause he started to cry and... I kind of felt like crying, too.

When we got back home, he took me to Carol's like usual, but... he just stood there for a minute. He asked if he could kiss me. I didn't know what it was – still ain't real sure – but I said yes. And he kind of leaned over and pressed his mouth against mine. I didn't know what the fuck to do. It felt real strange, but... kind of nice. Nobody's ever done that to me before. Then he looked at me funny, like he wasn't sure about something. I dunno. Then he left. I've just been sitting here, wondering about it too. Is that kissing thing something only ghouls do? I suppose it must be, cause they don't have... Anyway. I liked it. I hope he does it again.

* * *

August 15, 2274

_Scribe's note: There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

Fuck, that was scary last night. I was so freaked out... By the time we got back home, I was so done in, I just wanted to sleep. Sleep forever. No fucking way did I wanna go back out there.

It was ghouls, but... different. Like... they didn't even like Barry. And they were super tough. We found them in a sewer tunnel. We were just taking a short cut, cause the streets are just a mile high with concrete and steel. Buildings that fell over when the bombs came down. It's real hard to get around, so you have to use the tunnels. I don't ever wanna go in a sewer again, though. First there was these regular ones, then we started seeing nastier ones the further in we got. Wearing the kind of slapped together shit a raider wears. Then we saw this really different one. It was glowing green. It saw us and came running. Then it... sort of... blasted us with rads. I got hit hard, but it didn't seem to bother Barry. He pumped that fucker full of bullets and finally dropped it.

I guess I did something good, then. While he was taking out the glowing one, a couple other ferals came at him. He didn't see them. I nailed them good, cause they didn't see me. Still... it freaked me out. That one that was glowing... I ain't seen that before. Barry had to... he had to hold me, cause I was losing my shit. I was watching that weird piece of shit go after Barry, like I couldn't do nothing about it. He was lucky I had enough in me to give them other ferals what-for.

First thing he did when we got back here was take me to Doc. Had to wake the poor guy up. He treated me for rads and sent me to bed. I'm still real tired.

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

Barry just left. He... he kissed me again. He said I saved his life, killing those ghouls that were running up his ass. He said... I make a good partner out there in the ruins. And, um... he likes being with me. He held my hand, just rubbing it and staring at it. Then he said he thought... he was afraid I was gonna die. Couldn't get me to Doc fast enough.

_[pause]_

I like him. A lot. I wanna do something for him. Not fucking or anything, just... something nice. I don't know what, though. I'll think of something.

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

August 18, 2274

Barry asked if I'd sleep with him. It's like... ever since them ferals, he's been sticking around me, real worried. He didn't think I knew it, but he comes around to Carol's a couple times a night and checks on me. I thought it was cause he was afraid I'd sneak out, but... he said it's cause he worries about me. We're always going into these shitholes full of rads, and it don't bother him at all. But me... I could get real sick. He don't feel nothing, then my Pip-Boy starts ticking like a time bomb, and he knows it's getting real bad. He said it could... hurt me, after awhile. And he don't want nothing to ever hurt me.

_[pause]_

I asked if it would make me like him. If I got enough of it. He said it would probably just kill me. Cause... it had to be just the right kind of rads, just the right amount of them, and all that. It don't just happen. He said I don't want that, anyway. It ain't a good thing to be. Ain't the worst, but it ain't so good. He said... just keep being Veronica. Just like I am. He says... I'm good at that.

_[pause]_

I'm gonna sleep with him tonight. I dunno what'll happen. He says he just wants to be sure I'm all right, and it'll make him feel better, having me close. But when he kisses me... I get all tingly and... kind of want more. Even if... if he can't give me more than that. I dunno; ain't never felt like this before. Don't even know what it is. I just keep thinking... he can make me feel good. So I gotta figure out how to make him feel good, too.

* * *

August 19, 2274

I don't know what's happening to me. I mean, last night... It was so... different. And we didn't do nothing. Just went to sleep. I ain't seen his room until last night. It's kind of small, and he's just got this little bed, a table, and a chair in there. They barely fit. And it's real close to the Ninth Circle. That place gets loud and crazy late at night; you can hear music and laughing through the wall.

Anyway, he was real nervous. Told me he ain't shared a bed with a woman in a real long time. He kind of laughed a little and said he wasn't sure what to do. He asked if I had any PJs, and I told him I don't wear nothing to bed. He said he wasn't ready to do that yet. Stupid me said, "On account of you don't have a dick?" I could've kicked myself. I needed that dick in my mouth right then, keeping stupid shit like that from coming out.

He got all embarrassed and said yeah, that's why. I had to say something, cause I was hurting him. So I told him he don't have to worry about that. I'll just wear one of his shirts or something. So he gave me one, I changed, and we got in his bed. It was real small; we had to lay close. Like, real close.

The whole time I was there in his bed, I felt like... this is good shit. It felt real good. Just being in his arms, up against him like that. He was playing with my hair a little, kissing my forehead sometimes. Nobody's done that. I ain't been held like that, ever.

He said he was glad I was there. He kissed me some more. Then we kind of just fell asleep. There was something... just real good about it. I can't even describe it. It was like... better than fucking. Cause it was Barry.

* * *

August 20, 2274

I'm gonna sleep with Barry again. He said he wanted to try something. I don't know what he's got planned, but... I trust him. I know whatever he's got in mind, it'll be good.

* * *

August 21, 2274

I got no words. Today, I'm... I'm still jelly. My knees don't wanna work. He did something to me. We got in his bed like last time. We got close, same as before. He kissed my face, too. Then he went for my mouth, and it was different. Them tingly feelings came back, the more he kissed me. I was really liking that feeling, then his hand was on my ass, under the shirt. I couldn't help it; I hiked a leg up on his leg. All I could think of was how much I wanted his fingers in my pussy. I didn't tell him that, though. I just... sort of... worked my ass against his hand, hoping he'd get the hint.

He got some kind of hint, cause he unbuttoned that shirt and had me out of it. But... he didn't do it fast. He was real slow about it. I don't know what the fuck that was about, cause it was driving me crazy. Then he started kissing my tits. Like... more than kissing. Sucking on them and shit. It was so fucking hot! I got to running my hands all over him, too. Didn't even know I was doing it. He didn't take his shorts off, but he got rid of his shirt, and... I felt him. Everywhere. Except where his dick used to be. I'm... kind of afraid to touch him there.

It was so good. I was getting all worked up. Like, way worse than any other time I fucked someone. And he just kept going lower and lower until...

Fuck, I'm getting hot just thinking about this. He stuck his face between my legs and licked my pussy, like Angela said she got once. I was real glad I washed that bitch before he went down there! Ah fuck, that was the best thing ever though. He was at it for a long time, and I just kept getting hotter and hotter. Then... this weird thing happened. I don't know what the fuck it was, but the good feelings just got crazy good. I was nuts for a while, just fucking his face like a bitch on Jet!

_[pause]_

He made me feel good. Like he always does. Except... that time was real good. And this time, I think... I think I made him feel good, too. My hands were all over him, like his were all over me. But... he didn't get off. I feel real bad about that. I mean, I think that's what he did for me. He got me off. I don't know what else it could've been. Something that good... and I was so tired after... I must've gotten off. So... how do I get him off? Maybe Snowflake knows.

* * *

August 22, 2274

Snowflake doesn't think ghouls can get off no more. He said they're just too... fucked up. The skin ain't like it used to be. It feels nice being touched and all, but... it don't get them off. Then he sort of smiled a little, and told me it was real nice, thinking about Barry like I do. He said Barry deserves a good woman.

Me? A good woman? I'm so far from being a 'good woman'... Shit. He can do better than me.

* * *

August 23, 2274

Barry did me up good again last night. It ain't just the pussy licking. He talks to me, real quiet. He touches me softly. He kisses me a lot. He makes everything... the whole thing... real good.

* * *

August 24, 2274

_Scribe's note: This entry has been omitted from the transcription due to its subject matter. In summary, the Narrator recorded an explicit act between herself and the ghoul, Barry. Pip-Boy 3000 log files indicate that this entry has been accessed 233 times._

* * *

August 25, 2274

I hope Barry don't find out I tapped the record button when we went to bed last night. I just want to remember how good he was to me. Cause I don't deserve this. Not him, not these folks here, none of it. I done bad things to people. I done bad things to myself. I can't think of a single thing I can do for Barry to even the score even a little. Nothing that don't involve fucking, anyway. The nicer he is – the nicer any of them are – the worse I feel.

* * *

August 29, 2274

_Scribe's note: The Narrator's voice is shaking throughout the following entry. She frequently weeps for extended periods. Her location is unclear._

Barry's... He's... There was Brotherhood fighting the muties across the way. We... we got spotted, and... they just... started shooting. We weren't doing nothing. We ran for Underworld. Ran for home. We ran...

_[sobbing]_

He didn't make it. It wasn't the muties, either. It was the Brotherhood. They took him... took him from me. Just when... when we were... when it was getting good. He's the only one who looked at me... and didn't see a... a piece of shit. And they fucking shot him like he was a feral.

_[sobbing]_

I wanna die. Just fucking kill me now. You already took everything from me. Take the rest. I don't care. I don't fucking care. Just take it. Take it all.


	7. Base of Operations: Wasteland, Various

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Base of Operations: Wasteland, Various

August 30, 2274

I left. Didn't even say goodbye. I just... couldn't. The look on Carol's face... And she said I... I made him smile. She ain't seen him smile in so long... And Winthrop... He... he said... I helped. Running around with... with him, bringing shit back... He kept things running with the shit we gave him. He said he'd understand if I... if I left. He'd understand.

Wish I did. That whole place... those people... I look at them, and I see him. I don't wanna see him. Cause... I'll remember when... when those Brotherhood motherfuckers shot him in the back. Shot him, and then locked me up. Tested me for rads and chems and... Figured I was nuts for being with a ghoul.

That's why I need this. I ain't strong enough without you. I'm sorry. I ain't... nothing without you.

* * *

September 10, 2274

Saw a raider gang today, but I didn't go near them. I'm on my way out of the city anyway. I got some Med-X off a trader. I had enough caps this time. So... just a straight up trade. I've been on it for a week. Couldn't go a day... an hour... without thinking about...

It helps me. I know you didn't like it, but... you're gone.

* * *

September 18, 2274

Saw another trader today. This time, I just... I had enough caps, but... I wanted to feel it again. Like it was... with you. It was a guy I don't know. He fucked me on the ground. He had two guards; they took turns, cause one's always gotta watch. None of them got me close to what... you did. Not even close. Ain't so sure I like dick as much as I used to. Or... thought I did.

* * *

September 27, 2274

There's a bunch of folks on the road down there. They look like they're heading out of the city too. I'm gonna go talk to them. The trader said there were radscorpions in the wastes, so you should always have a big gun and lots of friends. Since my gun ain't all that big, I guess I need lots of friends.

* * *

September 29, 2274

They finally left me alone. They're slavers. The load of people – girls – with them were slaves. Now I'm one of them. Soon as I showed up, the guns came out, then the chains, then the dicks. They fucked me raw, hooked me up with the other girls, and dragged us all along. We stopped for camp, all us girls got a good fucking, then most of them went to sleep while the rest guarded us. And fucked us some more.

I don't even care. They took all my shit – big surprise – took my pussy for a ride, left me with nothing. It's Rivet City all over again. Only this time, there's nobody to... to get me out of it. Cause you're fucking gone. You're really gone. Oh fuck, you're GONE.

_[sobbing]_

What am I gonna do?


	8. Base of Operations: Wasteland, Germantown Police Station

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

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Base of Operations: Wasteland, Germantown Police Station

October 4, 2274

We're stuck in the basement of this old police station. They put us in cells down here. At least we each get our own cell; probably makes it easier to fuck one of us without the other ones knocking them out and taking the keys. Cause they'll come down one at a time, fuck one of us, and leave. There's this one guy shot up on Psycho who does a couple in a row.

Sometimes, if I listen real hard to the pipes at the back of my cell, I can hear them talking upstairs. They're waiting on another group, then we're all heading to Paradise Falls. I remember what that place was like when we bought Angela there. They put collars on you, and if you get too far outside, your head blows off.

At least it's quick.

* * *

October 12, 2274

I keep listening to the recording I did with you. You didn't know I was doing it. I knew you'd be mad if you knew. But... I'm glad I did. I can hear your voice again. Telling me... good things. I don't even listen to the licking part. I just want to hear your voice.

* * *

October 17, 2274

_Scribe's Note: The first entry is difficult to hear, as the Narrator is whispering. There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

Something's happening upstairs. I can hear it in the pipes. Lots of shouting. If the fucking Wastelander bitches would shut the fuck up for five seconds, I could tell what's going on.

Fuck. Is that guns? Some kind of shit's going down. I hope it stays up there.

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

It's been quiet for almost an hour, I think. Even the bitches ain't saying nothing. I've checked a hundred times; can't find nothing to get me out of these cuffs, or out of this cell. The other girls looked too. Nothing. I think... I think we're gonna die down here. Like... starve or something. Cause if everyone upstairs is dead...

[loud bang]

Oh shit. Someone's coming.

**[end entry 2]**

**[begin entry 3]**

I... I... I... oh fuck... juh-juh-just kill me... somebody. Please.

**[end entry 3]**

* * *

October 18, 2274

They're all dead. All the girls who came here with me. Dead. It's... it's muties. The whole place is overrun. Two of them came down here. Scouting, I guess. They ripped the doors off and... tore those girls to pieces. I didn't know what else to do. I... I didn't wanna die. Not... not like that. So... when the mutie came to my cell, I... I told him... I said... 'You wanna fuck? I can... I can fuck you. Make you feel good.'

_[pause]_

He didn't know what it was. I had to... to tell him. The other one just... he just watched. I ain't had something so big in my pussy... ever. And once he got going... Thought I was gonna die. But... I made myself... touch him. His face. He looked at me like it made him remember something. Then it went away.

The other mutie with him... He said he had to tell the boss about the meat down here. The one that fucked me looked weird for a second, then he just... He pulled a gun out and fucking killed the other one. He said... stay quiet... as a... as a... as a mouse.

_[sobbing]_

Then he left.

_[loud bang]_

Oh fuck. He's coming back. No. Fuck no.

* * *

October 22, 2274

At least... he brings food. And water. Nobody else comes down here. He got rid of the bodies... somehow. I don't want to know. He brought me a blanket, cause I was shivering after he... did me. He called me a 'puny human.' But he wrapped me up in the blanket anyway.

When he fucks me, he comes down, opens the door, puts me on my hands and knees, and does it like a brahmin. He's so fucking big... He slouches so he don't bang his head on the ceiling. His dick is big around as my arm. It's like getting a fist up the twat. When he's done... I just wanna crawl away and die. I wish I had Med-X, cause... it hurts. It hurts a lot. I'm crying by the time he's done.

But... I gotta do it. If I don't, he'll stop coming down, and I'll starve. Or... he'll get bored, and kill me. As long as I'm his... his little secret, it's just him. Not a police station full of them. I don't think I could take that. Ain't sure I can take much more of him.

* * *

October 25, 2274

The pipes ain't working no more, so I don't know what's going on. It didn't sound like this bunch was going nowhere last time I could hear anything. I think they're here to stay. So that means... so am I.

Should've stayed in Underworld. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done, leaving that place. Carol would've given me clothes and a hot meal. Not a thin blanket and... I don't know what fucking shit he's been feeding me. Could be the girls I came with. I'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid to open my mouth in case he gets it into his thick head that that's a good place to stick his dick.

* * *

October 28, 2274

I'm calling him Bob. I dunno why. It's not like he looks like a Bob. He don't have a name, so...

I know cause I asked him. After he was done. He looked like it was the hardest question ever, and he didn't wanna look like he didn't know it. Just all thoughtful and shit. Thinking hard. Then he said he didn't have one. So I said, 'Can I call you Bob?' It was like I gave him a present. His big dumb face just lit up. Then he totally floored me, cause he asked my name. He always calls me 'human,' and he asked my name.

I told him I was Ronnie. Cause... ain't nobody gonna call me Veronica again. Nobody.

* * *

November 2, 2274

It's starting to get weird with Bob. He comes down here two or three times a day with some food, fucks me good, then leaves. But since yesterday, he's been asking questions after the fucking. He wanted to know if I'd ever been to Old Town. I ain't never heard of it. He said that's where he came from. Except... he got this look on his face like he wasn't sure.

This morning, he asked where I'd been. What places around here I'd seen. Since getting hammered by him reminded me of it, I told him I was in Rivet City for awhile. He got all excited. Said muties like him weren't allowed in, so he's never seen it. He asked all kinds of questions – what's it like on the inside, would he fit through the halls, is there a bar. I don't know what the fuck is going on with him.

* * *

November 5, 2274

_Scribe's Note: There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

It's gonna be either really brave, or really stupid, but I gotta ask Bob to lighten up with the fucking. He fucks me like Dingo did his Wastelander bitches. As hard as he fucking can. He's gonna knock me through the wall. When he comes down in a bit, I'll... I'll ask.

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

Um... I told Bob that... it hurt my pussy a lot when he fucked me like that, so could he... you know, slow it down a bit, or... ease up some. I swore I'd let him keep doing it, just... you know.

He said the weirdest thing. He said he ain't sure he can keep this up anyway. Cause he killed that guy.

I thought, wait a second, you feel bad about that? It didn't look like it. He just pulled a gun and popped him one. He said his boss would be pissed if he knew about it. They ain't supposed to do that shit, but he liked feeling good, and that guy was gonna spoil it. So he killed him.

He said he didn't even think about it, but now he is, and it makes his head hurt. He looked real worried when he left.

I hope he don't just... leave me. Or tell his boss about me. Talking to him ain't been so bad. He's dumb as shit, but... dumb like a little kid, you know? He gets all excited when I'm telling him about places he ain't allowed to go, cause people like him get shot on sight.

I don't know what's gonna happen next.

**[end entry 2]**

**[begin entry 3]**

It was different this time. Bob came down again like usual, but he asked how... how could we do it so it... wasn't so bad? For me? I didn't know what to say. He looked all embarrassed for even asking. And he had his dick out, all ready to go, but he wasn't jumping on me or nothing.

Then I thought... if I was doing it, maybe... So I had him lay on the floor, and... I climbed on him, and worked my way down his dick. A little at a time. I had to use a lot of spit to get that fucker in me, but I did it. It was definitely different. And... it felt... better. Like... good, even. Bob liked it, too.

With me working it on top... I got off a little. Almost. Bob got to play with my tits, so he was happy. He got off just the same, too. And... he asked if it was better. I said yeah, it was great. He smiled and hugged me. Not real hard, though. He could crush me that way if he wanted. Then he left.

I wanna believe things will be different now. I hope I'm right, cause I won't last if I ain't.

**[end entry 3]**

* * *

November 7, 2274

Bob said he ain't sure what to do. He asked me – ME – what he should do. He turned on his brother, he said. I asked if the guy really was his brother, like... same mom and shit, but... he didn't know. He said all muties are brothers. Anyway, the guy he killed... that's just eating at him, I guess. It ain't stopping him from fucking me, though. It's just... after the fucking, he gets all worried.

I didn't wanna make him mad or nothing, but I kind of said, why don't you leave? If it's bothering you so much, and you're worried your boss'll find out, just disappear. Ain't like he'd go looking for you.

I think I made him mad anyway. He got all pissed and stomped back upstairs. I ain't seen him for hours and hours. A lot longer than usual. My stupid fucking mouth again.

_[pause]_

You know what? I don't fucking care. There's this... hole you left behind. I want the wastes to just... swallow me up. This is as good a place as any.

* * *

November 9, 2274

Still no sign of Bob. It's been more than a day since he brought me food and water. I'm so tired and cold... Just laying here on this scummy mattress. I'll end up like those skeletons I saw all over the ruins. Died in their beds, or in bathtubs, or in closets. Maybe the bombs got them. Maybe they just couldn't stand living in this hellhole no more. I'm kind of like that right now. Cause I keep listening to you. Telling me them things you said that night. Ain't gonna hear them from nobody else.


	9. Base of Operations: Wasteland, Springvale Area

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Base of Operations: Wasteland, Springvale Area

November 10, 2274

He finally came down and got me. Said his boss wanted some recon done, and Bob volunteered. He took me with him, on the sly. Even had some clothes for me, which was good cause it's fucking freezing out here.

He said he thought about what I said, and decided I'm pretty smart for a human. He already feels a whole lot better, cause he ain't looking at his boss no more, getting that 'bad feeling' in his head. He figures if he don't come back, the boss'll think he got killed or something.

So we're... together, I guess. Traveling. Wandering. Don't know where we're going, what we're doing. It don't matter, really. I'm outta that cell. Bob's okay. He wants stories more than fucking. Fine by me. I'll talk his ears off if he wants. He gets this goofy smile on his face sometimes. And when he laughs, it's this big, booming, HAH HAH HAH HAH. I think he likes being away from that boss of his. He didn't used to laugh at all.

* * *

November 14, 2274

We kicked some Brotherhood ass today. Bob saw them not too far away, doing one of their 'protect the citizens' walking tours of the wasteland. Probably looking for innocent people to kill, the motherfuckers. Bob growled like a dog and said he wanted to tear their arms off. I said, you and me both. He looked at me funny, and it was like we had an understanding.

So we nailed them hard for you. Made them pay for taking you away. They fucking asked for it.

* * *

November 17, 2274

Found a good spot for a while. Brotherhood patrols come through here now and then. If it ain't them, it's Wastelanders and traders on their way to Megaton. Had to clear this cave out first, though. Raiders. I ain't one of them no more, so fuck them. Me and Bob went in there with the guns running hot, and now it's ours. They had some mattresses that weren't in so bad a shape we couldn't salvage them.

Yeah, me and Bob are still fucking. It's... okay. He lets me ride his dick, cause it's easier on me. He always asks if it was good, when we're done. Like he's worried about it or something. I gotta tell him, yeah, it was good. You did good. He smiles real big when I tell him that.

* * *

December 1, 2274

We got a system going now. Brotherhood comes strutting down the road, we fucking waste them. No questions asked. Trader comes round, we unload everything for caps. Usually have some extra for water and food. Wastelanders next, and we give them whatever they need.

_[pause]_

Things were fucked up when I was a raider. It's like... I'm thinking of you, and what you did for me. I figured you'd want me doing the same. So these clueless fuck heads wandering around... they ain't targets, they're... people. If you stop and listen to them – their stories, where they been, where they're headed, what they wanna find when they get there – you kind of think to yourself, I was there. I was lost and didn't know where to go, and along comes the last person I thought would help me. You made it better. So... for you, I'm... making it better. The last person they'd expect.

Well, the last two people. Ain't nobody expecting a mutie to hand them a bottle of water. More like expecting a nuke to the face. But he's liking this. Butchering those Brotherhood assholes makes up for the soft shit.

* * *

December 7, 2274

It happened. Must've been an accident. I dunno, but... holy fucking shit. I came so fucking hard... I was riding Bob like usual, and I must've hit it just right or something, cause it got good. Then it got real good. Then I couldn't stop. I'm just laying here, all spread out and can't move. It's like... my pussy is just pulsing. Bob fell asleep. All boys are alike – fuck them, and they gotta sleep when they're done. I suppose it's okay. He came first, like usual, but did it again when my pussy was squeezing his dick. Wore his ass out. Even his ass can only take so much.

_[pause]_

Oh fuck, I'm sorry. That was... I didn't mean... It ain't like with you. It'll never be like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

_[sobbing]_

* * *

December 13, 2274

I just woke up. Been out cold for a day. We saw this trader caravan getting nailed by raiders, so we jumped in the fight. Bob loves kicking the shit out of humans. Everything was going great until the fucking Brotherhood showed up. They took Bob for a mutie – which he is, I guess – and went after him. I lost my shit. Unloaded a couple of clips on them, cause I ain't losing another one. They ain't taking someone from me who means something. Not again.

Fuckers had grenades, though. I didn't even see it coming. I heard the explosion, then I woke up here. My leg's all fucked up. Bob said he carried me home, and he made that trader and his guards come too. Cause... he don't know nothing about fixing broken humans.

_[pause]_

He said... I fight good, and... I had his back, like... like a brother. He said humans are so easy to hurt, but he didn't want me hurt. I almost thought he was gonna remember something, cause his face got all serious.

Sometimes he remembers things. Like before he got turned into a mutie. And a shack. Like the ones we've scavved, but... he wasn't there alone, he thinks. Not other muties like him, but... someone soft. He can't get any more than that, but it makes me wonder if he was maybe married like you were, and... all that sort of went away somehow.

Anyway, the trader had Stimpaks and shit. Bob said he made the guy work on me for free. I doubt the guy even asked for caps with a mutie staring him down. I feel like... he might've given me Med-X. A little. It sort of feels like it, anyway. Not enough to fuck me up, though. So that's good. You don't have to worry about me. I ain't back on the shit, not like I was for a while after you... I'm better. You and Carol were right; I'm better without it.

* * *

December 14, 2274

_Scribe's note: This entry has been omitted from the transcription due to its subject matter. In summary, the Narrator recorded an explicit act between herself and the Super Mutant, Bob. Pip-Boy 3000 log files indicate that this entry has been accessed 13 times and downloaded 7 times. It is not known if the tapes were distributed or broadcast publicly._

* * *

December 15, 2274

I think... it's okay. With me and Bob. He says we share everything, like his brothers did. Except that boss of his. He ain't said much about the fucker, but I can tell the guy had it in for him. Anyway, we share food and water, Stimpaks and caps. Whenever I can get a hold of a Nuka-Cola Quantum, I give it to him. He really likes those things. Rads don't bother him, like they didn't bother you any.

He, um, said it's real nice that I share my pussy with him, too. And... he said he shares his dick. We share. Cause we're brothers. We kill together, and we share everything. Like we're both muties. It's kind of funny. He said I'm like a mutie, just... smaller.

Did... did you ever... think of me as a ghoul? Only smoother? Was I... like that, for you?

I guess it don't matter now. Whether I was or not... I still miss you bad. Bob's good to me, but... he ain't you. I hope it's okay.


	10. Base of Operations: Wasteland, Megaton

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

Base of Operations: Wasteland, Megaton

December 18, 2274

Finally got in here. Fuck, it wasn't easy. Me and Bob got turned away at the gates a million times before the sheriff guy, Simms, finally let us in after about a dozen folks vouched for us. They damn well better have: we been watching one of the roads coming into Megaton, and probably saved a bunch of them from raiders and radscorpions a couple times each.

We're in the common house right now. Bob's on the floor cause he's so fucking huge, a bed won't hold him. All we gotta do is get a few more caps together, and we can build a house.

Megaton. Never thought I'd get in here. I mean, yeah, Razor'd had his eye on this place for years. We all wanted in, mostly so we could trash the place. But now... I just want a little house with Bob, a place where we can be safe and come home to. That ain't a cave full of fucking molerats.

* * *

December 19, 2274

The lady who runs the supply shop is a real nutjob, but she pays good. Bob and I went out scavving for her today. Moira had this long-ass list of shit she's looking for, so she can build things to sell. Electronics and pipes and circuits. I don't know what the fuck she needs it all for, but we ain't that far from Arlington from here. Lots of places around. Just gotta get out there and look.

* * *

December 20, 2274

_Scribe's Note: There are multiple recordings on this date._

**[begin entry 1]**

Been wandering around town a bit, getting to know the new neighbors. Everybody talks about Moriarty's place, so that's where we're headed later. My leg was acting up again, so I stopped by Doc Church's clinic. He's a sour old bastard, but he takes care of you. Simms is always watching us. I think he's worried about Bob. Ain't no reason for it. Bob's really liking it here. We're all so little and breakable, he feels like he's keeping us all safe. I ain't got the heart to tell him that's Simms's job.

**[end entry 1]**

**[begin entry 2]**

I'm... sort of numb. There was a ghoul at Moriarty's. Gob. He... he knows Carol. Like, he's her son or something. I had to go behind the counter and give him a hug. I just... He brought me home. For a minute, I was back home, and you were there, and Carol... Even grumpy Winthrop. Must've cried on him for five minutes. Then Moriarty comes out and yells at him to get back to work, stop pestering the customers and shit. I almost went for my gun. Me and that bastard are gonna have it out if he gives Gob any more shit, I swear. Carol ain't here to look out for him, but I am.

**[end entry 2]**

* * *

December 23, 2274

Finally got enough caps scraped together. Bob and I have been scavving scrap from Springvale nearby, stowing it in one of the wrecked houses. Now we can make our own house. Simms sold us the spot above the Brass Lantern, real close to the gate. I've been drawing pictures for days of how I want it to look. That guy, Creel, said he'd help us get the walls up.

I got this idea, since Bob's so tall. I think we got enough scrap for two floors. I want lots of room for him to stand up straight if he wants to. Without bumping his head. I got a couple ideas. Ain't sure how to pull off any of them, but I'm gonna try.

Bob says my pictures are nice.

* * *

December 25, 2274

Everybody's having a party down by the bomb, having a good time at the Brass Lantern, so me and Bob had some fun ourselves up here in the common house. Except someone walked in on us while I was on him. I guess folks didn't know we were fucking or something, cause the bitch freaked. Well, they'll know now, that's for sure.

It's snowing, can you believe it? Feels like I ain't seen the snow in ages. Bob said the snow caved in the roof, then he got all serious again. I ain't sure what he's remembering. Probably not much; he ain't all that smart. But he can be nice when he wants to be, so it don't matter.

* * *

December 26, 2274

I ain't seen Bob all day. He just took off. I got no idea where he is. Anything could happen to him out there. I don't even know which way he went. And it's getting dark. If that fucking cunt losing her shit over us made him run off...

Can you... watch over him for me? I know, I know. He's... sort of in your place. But... I need him. He's good to me, in his way. Without you, I gotta have someone, you know? We take care of each other. I can't look after him if he's run off, so... can you maybe keep an eye on him?

* * *

December 27, 2274

Bob came back real early this morning, and I about cried. I hugged him so hard, and had to really try not to yell at him. He got all embarrassed and apologized and shit, then he did the weirdest thing: he gave me a teddy bear. I didn't know what to say. I asked what he was giving it to me for, and he said it was Christmas, and you're supposed to give presents on Christmas. Except... it ain't. That was a couple days ago. Last Christmas, all us girls got passed around the guys all at once. I hardly remember it, I was so fucked up that night. I think at one point, I had Razor in my ass, Chuck in my mouth, and Dingo in my pussy. Ain't sure where Jammer was. Probably up Noob's twat. She'd pass out real quick when the Jet wore off, and that's when he liked to fuck her.

_[pause]_

And Bob gave me a teddy. I didn't give him nothing. He said it was all right. He said... he remembered... there was someone who was real nice to him, back in that shack. He gave her a bear like this one. He must've liked her a lot, he said. Cause... it feels like he did. So... he wanted to give me one too. He went all the way to Arlington, looking for a fucking bear. And I didn't give him nothing.

_[sobbing]_

He's like you, ain't he? I could never make you feel good, but I can do that for him. Don't be mad at me, but... I think I wanna kiss him. It was real nice when you did it to me, so... maybe he'll like it. That'll be my present to him.

* * *

December 28, 2274

The walls are going up nice. We got the ground floor framed out and the panels nailed in. Billy Creel got Simms to come and help sometimes, when he ain't walking around giving new folks the eye. They think I'm nuts, wanting a big hole in the ceiling with just a bit of walkway around, but I got my reasons. Bob's my reason.

He liked the kiss. I kinda liked giving it to him. It was... I dunno. Different from you, that's for sure. He's got lips, for one. That ain't your fault, I know. It's just different. I licked his dick, too. He really liked that. There ain't no way I'm getting even a little of his dick in my mouth, but... I can lick it and rub it. He likes all that.

I'm putting a great big bed right in the middle of the floor here. Cause right now, the only place we got for fucking is the common room when nobody else is in there. That don't happen too often. Soon as this place is done, we're gonna warm it up good.

I'm getting so I... I really like fucking him. It's getting slower and nicer. I'm getting off almost every time. He loves watching me ride him, and gets this big grin on his face when I come. Until you and him, I never got off with nobody. I kept thinking I liked dick, but... I ain't so sure that was what it was all about. Cause now... I ain't doing it so he won't kill me, or so he'll like me, or give me things. I wanna do it. I wanna make him feel good. I wanna feel good with him.

It was like that with you, but... more, you know? I would've killed to get you off. I would've done anything. So... I guess I'm kind of giving him everything I wanted to give you. Except... it's for him, not... not you. I hope that's okay.

* * *

December 29, 2274

Finally found out what Moira's been tinkering with in her workshop. She calls it a Rock-It Launcher. Shoots junk, basically. Load it up with scraps and shit, and it throws a wad of it at the target. Bob and I helped her set up outside the walls so she could test it, cause Simms about shit a brick when he saw it. "Get that thing the fuck outta my town!" Like she was gonna aim it at him or something.

That ugly motherfucker goes off like a bomb, and it's shit for accuracy, but holy shit, does it make a big hole in what it hits! And all the crap that comes out... First shot, she loaded it with cups, knives, forks, spoons... shit like that. None of it was in one piece when it hit one of the metal sheets we set up. The forks and knives were stuck in the metal, all bent like they were hit with a hammer.

And Bob was just about pissing himself, he was so excited. Loud as fuck, makes a big hole. That's what he likes. Moira wanted to 'fine tune' it – probably make it actually hit what you're aiming at – but promised he could have one of the test models if he wasn't too fussy. I said, 'Come on, Moira, this is Bob you're talking to.'

* * *

December 31, 2274

Yesterday was a bitch, but we did it. The house is done. It was getting real cold in the common house. I guess it's like that all winter. Some of the folks in there that were already giving us the cold shoulder really don't like us now, cause... we're in. We got a place. It's a big deal; they don't let just anybody move in. But me and Bob, we been patrolling the area, and scavving for Moira, helping Walter out with the pipes and water purifier. Not like fixing shit or anything. Neither one of us is smart enough for that. But we give him the scrap metal we collect. It's just like you and me used to do for Winthrop, remember?

I been talking to Gob some, when I get a chance. Moriarty owns him, so he ain't going nowhere. I wish he could get loose and go see Carol. I asked how much it would take to get him free, and he said don't worry about it.

The Vargas's gave us a bottle of wine, cause you're supposed to drink a toast at midnight. Never done that, so we're gonna give it a try. We're also gonna use that big bed. Ain't been in a real bed since you were... Since Underworld.

You know... it's kind of funny. I ain't made it no secret that I'm fucking Bob. When we first got here, everybody was afraid of him. Then they sort of got used to him. That one time at Christmas, when somebody walked in on us, I thought it would get folks pissed off or something, cause then everybody knew. We got weird looks for awhile. Or maybe they were just looking at me. But other than that, nobody says nothing.

* * *

January 1, 2275

It's a new year. Me and Bob got a little loopy on that wine, but it wasn't enough to do either of us in. Still had enough working to break in the bed. It was real nice. Especially after. He held me in his arms and told me he ain't happy about what he did to me in the cell. He knows it hurt a lot. But... he's kind of glad too, cause he might've just let the other mutie kill me. Or he might've done it. Cause he never thought about fucking humans before.

He got all serious again. He said it bothered him, but he couldn't stop coming down. It wasn't that he killed a brother; that wasn't what was really eating at him, but he didn't wanna tell me that. The truth was, he knew he was hurting me, but it felt real good. But he felt bad. And he kept thinking about shit when he was supposed to be watching the roads. Not really remembering people or places, but... feelings. He said he just knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't really understand why for a while. Still ain't sure. So he went with his gut. His gut told him to get me outta there. Get himself outta there. Go someplace where he could think, and maybe remember.

I'm glad his gut was so smart. Cause now he can think. Maybe one of these days, he'll remember who he was. He told me he's seen muties getting made, and knows it was done to him a long time ago. He ain't thought about what he used to be for years and years. Now he wants to know, but the memories won't come so easy.

I told him to just be patient. It'll come when it comes. We got all the time in the world, him and me.

* * *

January 3, 2275

Gonna smack that bitch. Moriarty's second string whore. Calls herself Silver. She called me a 'mutie fucker,' and asked if my twat looks like a mini nuke went off in it. All cause I told her to lay off of Gob. She was giving him shit. Even Nova don't do that.

Bitch is so strung out on Psycho, she don't know which end is up. What pissed me off the most was the looks I got, cause she said that shit in the middle of Moriarty's with a full house. They knew. I know they knew. She didn't tell them anything they didn't know. But they looked at me like I was a freak. One girl covered her mouth like she was gonna puke. And Bob... he looked ashamed. I thought he'd go berserk on them, but he didn't. He said real quiet, 'Wanna go.' So we left. But I swear, anyone puts that look on his face again, I'm gonna fucking cut them.

* * *

January 4, 2275

It's been a long fucking day. Woke to the sound of gunfire outside the walls. Sure enough, some fucking raiders were trying to get in. Really messed up the robot outside. Me and Bob've been on the walls since sun up.

That Silver bitch still sticks in my craw. Me and Bob risked our asses for this town today. Both of us took a bunch of bullets for it. What's she ever done, huh? Sit around with her legs open, that's what. Selling her pussy for chems. Fucking scab.

_[pause]_

Yeah. I know. I been there too. You don't have to remind me.

* * *

January 5, 2275

That girl that looked like she was gonna puke the other night, Lucy West – she came and talked to me. Said she was real sorry about that. Thanked me for what I did for the town, even. She said not to listen to Silver, cause she's a bitch. I said I figured that out myself.

Then she asked what it's like fucking a mutie. I told her it ain't no different from fucking a regular guy; just bigger. She asked if we did it like animals do it. With me on all fours, kind of thing. I wasn't so sure she was serious or even really interested, so I clammed up. I told her it wasn't none of her business. She wants to know what it's like fucking a mutie, she oughta go out and find her one.

Except... you know, I didn't say it shitty. Cause she's got a house here too, so I gotta put up with her. Fucking assholes in the common house can kiss my ass, but folks with houses... they're special. We're special. She better not forget that.

* * *

January 6, 2275

Bob's been kind of down for a couple days, so I figured it might cheer him up if we broke into a vault. Not the one up the hill; Vaulties are still in there living it up without a clue. That's what the folks around here say, anyway. A trader came through and said there might be one way out east, around Canterbury Commons where Moira's from. So I asked her about it, and she said yeah, there's a vault there, but nobody messes with it. She ain't sure if it's been picked over or never opened. But in case we do head out that way, here's a list of shit to pick up. _[laughs]_ Sure, Moira. Whatever you need.

* * *

January 7, 2275

_Scribe's note: This is the final entry. Pip-Boy log records the loss of connection to the host two days after this recording's timestamp._

I'm missing our new place already. We're holed up in an abandoned house with only one wall and a tiny bit of roof. It's raining out, and the rain burns your skin if you're out in it. I hate them rad rains. So me and Bob are huddled here together, trying to keep warm.

_[rough male voice] Bob can talk now?_

Not yet. Another minute, okay?

_[Bob] Okay._

I ain't liking how close we're getting to that old police station, but we got no choice.

_[Bob] Boss not hear us. Too far away._

Good thing, too. You muties got real good ears.

_[Bob] Better than human. Bob listen for Ronnie. Hear things. Keep Ronnie safe._

You're good at that.

_[Bob] Bob go watch. Ronnie sleep. Leg still hurt._

Yeah, a little. I'm fine. You wake me up when you get tired, okay?

_[Bob] Okay._

We're a good team, him and me.

* * *

ROBCO INDUSTRIES UNIFIED OPERATING SYSTEM

COPYRIGHT 2075-2077 ROBCO INDUSTRIES

AFTERWARD by Scribe Victor Jackson

Based on the evidence provided by these recordings, an investigation is underway to discover the whereabouts of the Narrator, or verify her death. Citizens of Megaton have been thoroughly questioned to no avail; none are willing to provide information about a Raider named Veronica having lived with a Super Mutant named Bob in their community. The home allegedly built by the Narrator is currently occupied and the new owner refuses to grant our requests to search the premises. Likewise, the squatters in the Museum of History did not respond to our agent's inquiries, resorting to threats and insults rather than providing any assistance whatsoever.

A reconnaissance team was recently dispatched to Vault 108. We await their findings and hope for additional information regarding the Narrator's fate.


End file.
